What is Opener?
An opener is the first message or line you use to start a conversation with someone, especially on a dating app or when approaching a person you like.
An opener is how you begin a conversation with a potential match. On a dating app it is the first message you send, while in person it is the first thing you say. A good opener is brief, friendly and gives the other person something easy to respond to.
Openers that tend to work are specific and personal. Mentioning a shared interest from a profile, asking a light question about a photo or offering a genuine compliment about something other than appearance shows you have paid attention. Generic messages such as hi or hey are easy to ignore, and copy-pasted lines feel impersonal.
An opener does not need to be clever, only sincere. Follow it with a question to keep the conversation moving, and be ready to answer your own question too. If you do not get a reply, one polite follow-up after a few days is reasonable, but after that it is best to move on.
Example: Seeing that Ines lists sourdough baking in her profile, Marcus writes that he has been trying for months to get a decent loaf and asks what her best tip is. She replies with a tip and a question of her own.
Signs
- It refers to something specific in a profile or the setting
- It is short, friendly and easy to answer
- It includes an open question
- It avoids pressure, pushiness or overly intimate comments
- It sounds like a real person, not a template
What to do
- Read the profile first and mention something specific you genuinely find interesting.
- Keep it to two or three sentences and finish with an easy question.
- Skip generic greetings, rehearsed lines and comments focused only on appearance.
- Be respectful and take no reply as an answer after one friendly follow-up.
- Stay yourself; an authentic tone is more attractive than clever tactics.
Frequently asked questions
What is a good first message on a dating app?
A message that mentions something specific from their profile and asks an open question. For example, you could ask about a place they photographed or a hobby they list.
Should I wait for them to message first?
Not necessarily. Anyone can start the conversation. A friendly, specific opener from you is welcome, regardless of gender.